It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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