dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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