did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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