Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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