hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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