3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
