Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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