Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
