I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
