I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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