I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
