I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
