Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
