Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
