you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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