If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
