I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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