He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize