My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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