The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
