Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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