I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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