I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
