..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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