So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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