I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
