My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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