How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
