dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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