I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
