Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
