idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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