she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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