I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
