I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
