yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
