Me. At least after what I've been through.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
