i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
