I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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