why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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