i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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