Screwed.edu
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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