Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
