I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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