im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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