i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
