two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
