That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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