U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
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