awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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