People in love make me want to vomit
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
