Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
