Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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