I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We are all done wearing pants today
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
