I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
