Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
