Where did you get a picture of my penis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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