I bet he comes in French.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
