You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
